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Pennsylvania rules
The rules of rural Pennsylvania are as follows:
1. Let's get this straight: it's called a "dirt road." No matter how
slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
2. They are cattle. They're live steaks or walking milk bottles. That's
why they smell funny to you, get over it. Don't like it? I-80 goes east
and west, I-81 goes north and south. Pick one.
3. Pull your droopy pants up, you look like an idiot.
4. Put your baseball hat right, your head isn't crooked. If you don't want to do that, DO NOT WEAR ONE!!!
5. So you have a $60,000 car, we're NOT impressed. We have $150,000 corn
pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in rural Pennsylvania waves. We think of it as being
friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and three does are
coming in, we will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't
have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat scrapple, pot pie, funnel cakes, haluskie, pierogies,
shoo-fly pie, apple butter, chow-chow, and schnitz un knepp. Don't like
the sound of them or the names freak you out because you never saw a
"Bon Appetit" article on them? Great, more for us!
9. The "opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday held on the Monday after Thanksgiving.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of
age.
11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak, or you
can order the chef's salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats
(includes fish), vegetables, and breads. We use four spices: salt,
pepper, hot sauce, and Heinz ketchup. Oh, yeah... we don't care what you
folks in Jersey call that stuff you eat. It's not real chili.
13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served
over ice.
14. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to
shoot, and have long hair.
15. College and high school football are as important here as the
Steelers and Eagles and a lot more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards--- it
spooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have state universities,
community colleges, and vo-techs. They come outta' there with an
education plus a love for God and Country. They still wave at everybody
when they come home for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks who have been in the Army, Navy, Air
Force, Marines and Coast Guard - - PA has one of the highest percentages
of veterans in the entire country. So don't mess with us. If you do, you
will get whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump-thump stuff
is not music anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to
see your underware.- - - Refer back to # 3.
20. Four inches isn't a blizzard-- it's a flurry. Drive like you got some
sense, and don't take all our bread, milk and toilet paper from the
grocery stores. You're not in Alaska. Worst case you may have to live a
whole day without your croissants. The pickups with snow plows will have
you out the next day.
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A cabbie picks up a Nun.
She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome
Cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies:
"I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers,
"My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am
And have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and
Hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could
Say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds,
"Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have
To be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says,
"Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would
Make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess,
I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK.
My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.
ReplyReply AllMove...
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Do you know whats the difference between a wicker basket and a wicker box?
A wicker basket is usually kept in the bathroom with soaps or potpourri.
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Wicker box is what Elmer Fudd does on Saturday nights to his girlfriend! :LOL:
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For all you Chuck Norris Fans out there......
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I heard some disturbing news today...evidently Jeff Reed tried to hang himself last night because of being let go by the Steelers.
He survived however due to his inability to kick the chair out from under himself. 
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