The "Joke Thread" has begun (PG-13 limit)

[ray j]

A great white shark was showing his son how to hunt humans. The father says, " First you pop your dorsal fin above the water and then you circle them for a few minutes" The son asks his father," why do we have to circle them for a few minutes?" The father shark replies, " because they taste better without shit in them!"
.

[RapRunR]

A woman goes into Wal-mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-mart associate standing there with dark glasses on. She asks, "Excuse me sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am I'm blind, but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it all on the counter anyway.

He said "That's a 6' graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It's a good all around rod and reel, and it's $20." She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register. And in the meantime, the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed, but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was she. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."

She asks, "But didn't you say it was $20?"

He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20, the duck call is $3, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!"

[Trauts]

A customer walks in to a store and asks the first clerk he sees, "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?"

The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"

The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me
ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would
you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if
I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you
ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?'

If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

The clerk says, "Well, no, I probably wouldn't!"

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well
then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish - because I asked for
Polish sausage?"

The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."

[Polish_Pike]

Here's a good joke for the thread...

I hunted muskies all year.

I perfected my technique of photographing muskies caught by others in the boat.

ROFL

[H2O wolf]

A man discovers a bottle and releases a genie that has been trapped inside for over 1,000 years. The genie of coarse is very grateful and offers to grant the man anything he wishes for. He tells the genie how he always wanted to visit Hawaii but has a fear of flying so asks the genie to build a bridge there. The genie tells him this is impossible, surely there is another wish that you desire. The man says, well I always wanted to understand women... the genie then interrupts and says, you want that bridge to be 2 lanes or 4.

[Red Childress]

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree... 25 to life would be appropriate. -- Jay Leno
America needs Obamacare like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. -- Jay Leno
Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
-- Conan O'Brien
What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon? A fund raiser. -- Jay Leno
What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary? One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society.
The other is for housing prisoners. -- David Letterman
If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved? America !
-- Jimmy Fallon
What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo? Bo has papers. -- Jimmy Kimmel
What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program? It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.

[Anzomcik]

Red, those were some good ones!